12.13.2014

The Phone Call That I Won't Tolerate

Greetings from cyberspace! Today I met with my mentor from my church (we have been studying the book of Ephesians) and we had discussed what has been going on with Buttercup. I told her Buttercup was going into panic mode the other day and how it made me feel. I swear when she acts like she did, crying hysterically and uncontrollable, how it just made me feel so angry and just useless.  The only thing that I can do in those circumstances is to hang up on her, wait for her to cool down, and try again. Buttercup told me she hated when I do that. Well, my darling daughter, I don't like being able to get a word edgewise or listen to the crying. Nothing is more aggravating then when Buttercup starts actually like a nine year old.  We came to an understanding, that if she calls me, getting all hysterical and drama queen on me, I will just hang up, and I will send her a text informing so stop acting like a child. I mean, when I was going through the early stages of my divorce and the break-up with the Ex, I had no problem in hanging up on them. However, when it comes to Buttercup, it took me a while to realize that the same right that I exercised with her father and the ex-BF, I could apply to when dealing with her. And as much as I love my daughter, and I do, it still does not excuse her behavior on the phone. And there you have it. That is the phone call I won't accept - the-hysterical-screaming-crying I-want my-own way-don't care-what-anyone-has-to-say - No thank you. Over and out. CLICK!

(see... I am getting better at dealing with drama!!!)

12.12.2014

Freaking Friday Thoughts

Greetings from cyberspace! First of all, let me say, Thank Goodness  - It's Friday!! I have a serious issue with the classic Wham Christmas Song.. 




First, the person gave his heart to a person last year, but they gave it away, the... very.... next... day! (Sniff sniff)  This year, he is giving it to someone 'special'... But how did he get the heart back? And if he was torn apart, how did he survive, because he gave his heart away, and I believe that it is needed to live.  And being that he give the heart away at first, wasn't the first person 'special', and was it just an act? I mean said person 're-gift' the heart. It just does not make sense! So, I guess, the moral of the story is to NOT give your heart away to the wrong person, or you will have to explain where it has been when you give it the RIGHT person! Some lyrics just does not make any sense... Seriously... Hampfh!

12.11.2014

Random Moments of Life

Greetings from cyberspace! After a few heavy hearted days, today actually feels a lot lighter. Maybe it is because I slept pretty well last night, and maybe it is just the relief that Buttercup got her top priority accomplished. Maybe because the project that I have been diligently working on is finally wrapping up. Maybe it is just something in the air. I woke up refreshed and ready to tackle today. It is just a blessing to know that some good things are coming. I just need to be mindful of everything around me.  Here is some random happenings in my world:

Buttercup's father was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia about a week ago.  He's still feeling crappy, so they did some tests on on him, and he has a mild case of COPD. This does not surprise me in the least. He has asthma and smokes. Not a good combination. Hopefully this is a wake up call for him.

My boss remarked that even though I was having a tough day the other day, she could not tell. And that is a compliment, because in the past, I would have been a basket case.

Tomorrow is payday and thus a little more of the debt is paid off, and I will be able to do my Christmas shopping, And yes, I have a budget.  Small, but it is a budget.  But we are also having our department potluck tomorrow and it is always a good time! The annual company holiday party is next Friday, but the one tomorrow is more laid back.

This weekend we will finish decorating the house for the holidays. And if the weather is nice, I just might go for a bike ride being that the Ex delivered my bike last week. Just need to get air in the tires.

And last night, I found a cute notebook to start writing down my expenses and journal for next year to help keep me on budget.

Yep.. definitely a much better day than the rest of the week.  Hugs!!

12.10.2014

What's Up with Buttercup - Special Edition

Greetings from cyberspace! Our beloved Mysti commented on my post about Buttercup, and I realize, SNAP... I really need to update the readers on the latest and greatest that is going on with her.  If you are new reader, a little background on my daughter. She is my only child, thus I have made some not so great choices, but I'm human. And to get a clue into her personality, go to YouTube and search for videos for Power Puff Girls and watch a few and carefully note the personality traits of 'Buttercup' and you will have the appropriate context for this post.

Let me first put this out here. I love my daughter. Second to Jesus' ultimate gift of salvation, she is the greatest gift that God has blessed me with. However, because I was not walking with God for so long, I  have made some mistakes along the way. But that is the past and this is the present. Buttercup suffers with Oppositional Authority Anger Disorder. In other words, she has a real issue with persons in authoriy, such as a parent, teachers and so forth. And it has manifested itself in terrible ways. Some of them severe others not so much. She has a difficult time executing simple tasks and when she is overwhelmed, it is like ground zero. The past two years has been extremely challenging for both her father and I, as she cut herself so badly, that she had to have staples. She has run away several times. She was drinking and partying, sleeping around. And the worst of it, she has been arrested for domestic violence. I will not go into the details of the incident to protect the parties, but it has been something we have been dealing here. So due to her inability to control certain urges, behaviors, or deal with real life issues or even listen or take advice from persons of authority (such as myself or her father), she ran away from her problems in Missouri, and then came to California. She had lost her job, dropped out of school (and now has to pay the school back for the FASFA before she can go back) and just running wild. So while she was here in California, she met a 'charming' young man, which she subsequently got herself pregnant. She had to return to Missouri to deal with her legal issues, and on the way she rolled her car. Almost got herself killed. However, due to the accident and the stress, she miscarried. It was a blessing and she said the same thing herself, because that 'charming' young man was not 'sincere'  - quelle surpris!!! (sorry Mr. Pine aka Cinderella's Prince - but terrific line!!) If my daughter had listened to my advice, or even taken the time to work with me (1) she would not be in the position she is now and (2) I would not have adding more debt. 

So what did I try to get her to do for herself:

1. Find a room to rent - she did not want to live with her dad, because of their past history, but she needed a place to live while she worked, went to school or both.  
THEN: She refused... she lived with a guy she was seeing at the time, and then when something happened between them, went back to her old boyfriend.
NOW: She has found a room to rent in a safe environnment from a person that she used to work with.
2. Get on some county aid to help with food - She needs food to eat and survive and I can't afford to provide this.
THEN: She did not want to do this because she did not want to be a welfare person. 
NOW: She is working on the application as we speak, as she does not have a steady job and needs to eat.
3. Create a budget - she has no concept of money.  None. Zilch. She is an impulsive spender.
THEN: She had every excuse in the world to NOT do this... too busy with school, too busy with work, too busy being social.
NOW: I bought her a book, which she is reading. She has asked for my help and we will be working on it this week.
4. Find a church or support group to help with her disorder - we all need some type of support group
THEN: She insisted she was fine.
NOW: She recognizes she is NOT fine, and she needs help. So after the holidays I will help her locate a group.

Of course, there are lot of other item she is dealing with, such as speeding tickets, the fine for the accident, medical bills, and just a lot of other stuff. So, what is a mom to do. First of all, a lot of prayer. Secondly, write up action plans for me, and pray some more. Thirdly, help her write up action plans, and pray some more.  You get the theme here.. right?? Lots and lots of prayer. Gratefully I found a few books to help me to deal with some of these issues, because they are manifesting some issue for me as well, such as guilt, anger and just down right resentment towards my ex-husband, becasuse I am finding out more and more of stuff he did NOT provide for her while she lived with him. And this was not coming from her.  It was lies that I have caught him in. But he cries wolf... and we all know what happened to the little boy who cried wolf too many times??? The same thing can happen to big boys too. (And where is Johnny Depp when you need a wolf that will rip you to shreds with his charm.. Yes, I am back to that charm issue.. well wouldn't you??) 

So that is the fat and skinny of what is up with Buttercup. And one final comment - this post was not meant to showcase what a mess my daughter is. This is happening to more and more early adult children that have not been prepared for the world. They think they know it all, or have it together, and unless they are receptive to words of wisdom, they will fail each and every time. And as a parent, we have the difficult job of determining how much help we are willing to provide. For me, I have overdone it in the past, which has caused great financial burden for me, which will take me about three years to recover. If the numbers are right, I won't recover from this until 2018. So for all you parents of young children, start thinking NOW of how you are going to prepare your children for the real world. Learn from my mistakes.  Start NOW.  Please, not only for your sake, but primarily for your children's future.

12.09.2014

Chaotic Neutral - Or Can My Life Get More Hectic

Greetings from cyberspace! Oh my gosh! Can my life get more chaotic than it already is! Buttercup is just being a pain in the posterior recently. I think that I am going to have to put my phone on airplane mode so that I can get some work. Just today alone she called me four.. yes you read that correctly... four freaking times!!! And on top of that she has been texting me like crazy. And I was leaving my desk to get some lunch (my stomach is thanking me for remembering) Buttercup's father is calling me. I did not take the call, because frankly I am really over dealing with today's drama. And let us not forget my cousin and her current romantic situation. Since when did I become the grand counselor for these people. And oh yeah, I am under a very tight deadline at work. Two members of my team are at a conference, so I was hoping that I can get caught up on some stuff without the interruptions. No such luck! Le sigh... And on top of everything, I just checked the balance of my checking account, and I am so glad that payday is Friday, cuz this gal is running on low. And not just on funds, but on energy. I have been so exhausted, wound up and seriously need to decompress before I have a meltdown and open up a can of whomp-ass and start kicking some booty so that I can get something... ANYTHING accomplished.  And Christmas is JUST.... AROUND... THE.... CORNER!! 

Beam me up... somebody... ANYBODY!!!

12.08.2014

Charming Versus Sincere

Greetings from cyberspace! Has anyone seen the trailer for the upcoming film, Into the Woods? (BTW -looks like to be a fabulous movie, just right up my alley) There is a line in which Chris Pine's character, The Prince ( to be specific, Cinderella's Prince) comments - 'I was raised to be charming, not sincere.' Wow, talk about crushing blow to 'true love'! How many times have we met someone, and they are charming. But honestly, are they 'sincere'?  Can being charming coexist with be sincere? And I bet you are wondering why I am asking this question on a PF blog? Well, it is part of my reflecting on my past, and why did I allow myself to be taken advantage by the Ex (well, both of them). In part, in the beginning (and there is always a beginning) both men were.. charming. They said the right things. They acted the right way. They were 'charming'. But when the 'charm' wore off, they were only 'sincere' when it suited their purpose. And honestly, I see this in every day life with my co-workers, in which some of are charming, but when it comes right down to it, not very sincere.  And then there are those that are sincere, and there is just no charm. I have yet to meet a single person who was both charming and sincere. I am sure that they are out there. Because I do believe that they co-exist. The key is to be able to determine when the charm end and sincerity begins. Just because someone or something makes you feel special, is it sincere? Is it genuine? In my case, my Prince Charmings ended up being Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and yours truly is left behind wondering what the freak happened? My mind is still blown about how a Prince Charming can become a jerk. And what is worse, it can happen in a New York minute. And ladies, let me clue you, this is not confined to the men. We women can be equally as charming, and turn around and just be most insincere creature in that above-mentioined New York minute. So while we are all search for own personal Happily Ever After, just remember, Charming does not always mean Sincere.  It could just mean... Charming. Just Charming. And charm will only take you so far. So, the lesson for me is pretty much the moral of the story Into the Woods.  Be careful of what you wish for. Be happy with what you have.  I will take Sincere over Charming any day of the week. So for all you potential Prince Charmings, beware.  You may look good, and you may sound good, but if you don't follow-up with a sincere heart, then I will keep mine under lock and key.

12.07.2014

What If You Could Change One Instance

Greetings from cyberspace! Don't know if I told you this, but I joined a book club last month. I got tired of NOT having any social life whatsoever. Today was the first meeting that I attended.  We reviewed Life after Life by Kate Atkinson. It was a hard read.  Below is the official summary from Amazon.com
Every time Ursula Todd dies, she is born again. Each successive life is an iteration on the last, and we see how Ursula's choices affect her, those around her, and--so boldly--the fate of the 20th-century world. 
In a nutshell, it boils down that the main character, who dies and is reborn over and over and over, will sometimes make a different choice that has consequences. Some good. Some not so good. It got me thinking that if there was one instance which I would have made a different choice, it would be to not gotten married. Now, some of you are thinking that then I would not have had Buttercup, and you would be wrong, for I was almost 3 months pregnant. And why did I choose that instance - because the night before the wedding I was told that he was not sure he loved me. Ouch.. and I mean.. OUCH! So, here I was, 3 months pregnant, in Laughlin, Nevada (we eloped..) and was being told the night before we were to be married only to have that elephant in the room. What would I have changed? I would have left the hotel room, called someone to come get me, and kick him out of the apartment and out of my life, raised Buttercup on my own. The runner-up was to not to move in with the Ex. Maybe Buttercup would not have the challenges she has now, or maybe I would not be where I am in my life.  Maybe I would be worst off.  If I had not married Buttercup's father, I may have never moved to San Diego county, or have the job I have now.  Maybe I would have been one of those totally stressed single mothers on welfare.  Maybe I would have found the love of my life and had a wonderful love filled life.  But I can't go back and change these things. I accept these as part of my 'wonderful' past and let them be in the past. The point I am making is that the path we are on, we are MEANT to be on. This is the path that God has laid for me. The only real choice I need to make is whether I ask Him to join me. I may not like it (then again, who likes being on the path for recovery from being in debt) but certainly, life is NOT boring! And honestly, all these experiences have made me the goofy, feisty blogger I am today. Seriously, in reading my posts from the past few days, I smile at how I make fun of myself. I look forward to the comments, and sharing what is going on, the highs and lows in my life, with all the craziness my daughter makes me, how the Ex seems to treat me as his confidant even though he just moved in his new girlfriend (good luck to her!) and how Buttercup's father is a stubborn old coot. Like a fellow blogger commented that she was glad to see my sense of humor come back. And so am I.  Life is difficult as it is. We all need to laugh, even if it is at ourselves! And so, I declare that 2015 will be the year of laughs.. And as for 2014 ... yeah, I am so over you!