Happy Labor Day 2014!

Greetings from cyberspace! Happy Labor Day! So what is this gal gonna do today? Well, I need to run a few errands.  I have to go to Home Depot to get something to hang a rod to conceal my closet. Then I need to go to Target to get some personal items, and need to look for new black flats, as mine have a hole in their sole.  Oh vay!!  And finally need to talk to Verizon and or Sprint about a new phone contract.  This could be an expensive day for me... it just depends whether I get a new phone! On the plus side, Buttercup's father will start paying me back for the money for her car, and I will be able to rebuild my emergency fund quicker.  As for my current credit card debt, I am an not going to let it bother me as much as it has been.  I need to work on my personal life and got a handle on the issues that causing such self destructive behaviors. I've really started counseling with a woman from my church. I am hopeful that I will be able to have better tools to deal with my depression.  Yes - there I have said it. I have been depressed. And it will be a while before I trust my heart to another, if ever. Between Buttercup's father and the Ex, it is really crushed.  I never thought I would be divorced, or had my heart so trounced on that it may never recover. So, I've been doing a lot of scripture reading and prayers. Trying to get myself involved. But I feel ugly at times. And the vicious cycle begins again.  Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  I am tired of this merry-go-round that is my life. It is making me dizzy. So very dizzy.  Ugh... 

Well, I need to get going... I was hoping to make this post more light hearted, but as I began to type, all these feelings came out.  Maybe I should just immerse myself in Jane Austen's Emma.. (a great feel good book!)... 

Hugs to all..... xxooxx


Guess Verizon Will Have to Wait

Greetings from cyberspace! Guess who found her phone... that would be this girl!  Thank goodness.  I really was not ready to jump carriers to just yet.  My cousin and I are talking about getting a plan together, but I want to get the best deal. And she is not ready to jump just yet (she has Sprint).  So, we are in a holding pattern for the moment.  Now, if I really wanted to get off contract, I could use Straight Talk (the Walmart pre-paid) for a short while, but I would not have the same phone number. So I am researching all options.


Did I Tell You that I Lost My Phone?

Greetings from cyberspace! Yes - yours truly lost her phone.  Where? I don't know. That is how distracted I have been for the past few days. Not that I am bothered about it, but I was hoping to see if I could get a little something for it!  Thank goodness I backed up nearly all of my pictures.  There is just a handful that weren't. No biggie.. and as for my contacts - time to whittle them down anyways, and I have most of them already synced with my iPad. So, I am good there. It was time for me to get a new phone anyway because my old iPhone 4s kept dropping WiFi and my battery life... ugh.  But the best part of this - I am exiting my contract with AT&T, and thus severing one more tie with the Ex. I will however be taking my phone number with me, as this is the number Buttercup is engraved in her brain. If you were to ask her what my number is - she will quote it at light speed!  (That's my girl!) So, what carrier will I go with.. mmmm... well, definitely not Sprint.  Not AT&T - and certainly note T-Mobile - so the lucky winner of my business shall be Verizon. And the phone - I'm an Apple gal, so an iPhone for me.  Next year, I will be saving up to get iMac Book and then I can dump my old Toshiba... or better I will probably sell it.  It is in pretty good shape, but just old.



And Now Let the True Healing Begin

Greetings from cyberspace! It's been over 10 months since I walked out on the Ex. Tonight I met up with him to have a heart to heart. I told him that I could no longer go over to the house to pick up the monies for the truck and trailer payment. I also told him that I wanted to get my stuff out and into storage.  I also told him that I would be getting my own mobile phone account and he needs to get his own.  He agreed to all of this.  And then I said to him that I needed him to work on getting the truck and trailer in his name.  He agreed he would start working on it. And finally I told him that I wish him happiness with the woman he is dating. He told me a little about her and she seems more suited to him than I was.  This I am glad for. What a difference than the last time. When we split up last time, I had found out that he was seeing someone and I was devastated. Not this time. And the irony - it is four years to the date. I guess I really am over him. Now it is time for the true healing begin.


Funny Picture

Greetings from cyberspace! Buttercup shared the picture this morning on her Facebook wall, and I thought it was so fitting on what has been going on recently in our lives.. (yes, I said our lives)

Yes - this how I have been feeling over the last months.  There is a lot going on right now that I am processing and dealing with. The first being the feeling of being disconnected from life. I feel like I have no real life and part of this is my fault.  I am not asserting my independence and am becoming a bit of a hermit. No good.  I've put weight on and I feel blah and unattractive. The second is the old feeling of being replaced. The Ex this week apparently is taking the travel trailer and went off the for the weekend. Now I know it is a two person job to get it out of the driveway and get it set up.  I have dragged this on far to long in cutting the ties. It was just much easier for me. I need to talk with his mother to see if she can help get the vehicles in his name so that the burden is off me. So I am going to go to the local UPS store and get a mail box today.  Next I am going to look at getting a storage facility and getting the rest of my stuff out.  My goal is to by the time the one year anniversary of my leaving him I will be free and clear of him.  So with that said, time for me to get my gear moving.  First thing, the mailbox.  Toodles.


Not Sure What to Do

Greetings from cyberspace!  It's has been so long since I have blogged, that I find myself wondering why?  It could be that there are so many distractions out there, and that I find myself not willing to write anything.  And then there are times that I feel so listless and just wonder, what am I doing with my life.  When I was actively blogging, I found it very liberating, and enjoyed reading your comments.  I feel like I am going to be in debt forever because I keep spending. Granted a lot of it has been for Buttercup, but then there has been other items that I have purchased that I ask.. why?  I think that all the years of not being able to go buy something because I had to make up the short comings from the Ex is starting to catch up with me.  And that my dear friend is a dangereous path I have found myself on.  It is like the gravity of Debtopia keeps dragging me back.  I went back and looked how many times I have slid back into old habits.  I am much smarter than this. I know how to build a budget, and when I put my mind to it, I can stick to it.  And if I was honest with myself, this has been the biggest failure on my part.  And how can I expect Buttercup to learn, if I can't stick to one myself.  I think the biggest obstacle is that I really do not know what I want from life. I am 51 years old, and still fell like a lost child at times.  I am nowhere near I thought I would be. I do not own a home.  I am divorced.  I have not had any healthy relationships (romantic wise). I will be working until I drop dead because I don't think I can afford to retire.  I have been flailing recently.  And it hurts. Deeply. And sometimes it is hard to remember what the important things are in life.

Well... thanks for listening to this... I have some very deep thinking and prayer to do.


Mid-Year Review 2014 - Part II

Greetings from cyberspace!  Yesterday I did a review of my goals for 2014. So like at work, we reassess and modify.  But for once, I would LOVE to be able to make personal goals and keep them.  This is an area in my life that I need to work on.

Financial - 2014
  • Replenish Baby Emergency Fund by October 31st
  • Pay Off 15% of $35,627.90 (-$5,344.19) by the end of the year
  • Set up automatic payments for 2015
    Personal - 2014
    • Complete the NIV one year women's devotional
    • Complete reading of Ephesians in August
    • Complete reading of Galatians in September
    • Complete reading of Romans in October
    • Read at least 16 additional books, all from my current NOOK library
    Health - 2014
    • Complete a 5K walk within 40 - 45 minute
    • No more artificial sweeteners
    • Reduce eating meat to once or twice a week and processed food
    Professional - 2014
    • Read monthly professional journal and complete CE exams within journal
    • Complete my 2014 re-assessment test by the end of the year
    • Keep my email box below 50 emails by the end of a each week
    • Develop financial plan to do long distance program
    PS... I just realized that this is my 700th post.  WOW.. Where did the time go!  Yikes!!